If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
