So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
