i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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