Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My dick has a subreddit
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
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