Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
