Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
