You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Randomize
