**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
