sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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