There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
