I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
