the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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