Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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