Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
