I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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