i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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