yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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