you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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