Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
