He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
