i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
