I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
