the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
