I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
