I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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