Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
