the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
