i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
