My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
