I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I look better un-naked...
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
