i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
