I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
