I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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