These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
