How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
why does every cop we meet know your name?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
