I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
