they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
