I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
