Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
