Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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