ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
