Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
