I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are we still banned from the library?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
