I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
