You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
