i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
