Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
