we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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