You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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