Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
