do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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