I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
