i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
