We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
