you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
